Lack of Discipline

The theme of K-life this year is "Obsessed". This is a humbling theme for me, because I am not Obsessed and frankly never have been. The idea behind the theme is obviously being Obsessed with Christ. Which is a very interesting theme for Jr. Highers and even High Schoolers. I get frustrated by the theme at times because I think that it sounds great but is poor in application. Maybe it is because I don't have an obsessive personality. I think it is because I don't think it is that reasonable and honestly I don't believe one kid in my ministry will become "Obsessed' with Christ. I think that belief comes from my experiences with falling short. How many times in life have I said I wanted to do something or was going to do something and didn't. For example recommiting my life to Christ and leave camp/conference/retreat with a fire to "Be a disciple of Christ" only we go back to business as usual in a couple weeks. My past of not achieving what I set out to has greatly impacted who am I and has affected my confidence in myself. Too many times I have started a bible study or accountability group with the idea of transformation to see it be very short lived. Those experiences has stayed with me. I'm someone who really struggles with commitment and discipline. I want to see myself overcome these weaknesses and develop those two qualities within myself because the failures have taken a toll on me. I know that to be the person I want to be I need those two qualities to be a part of who I am. I believe most people that have made great impacts have excelled at those two qualities. It is a scary thing to be so real and vulnerable about the things you have failed at. I have lived a pretty consistent unchanging life and I have a burning desire to see change. I refuse to give up on myself and my personal development. I do not want to settle for the path of least resistance or what is easy. I want to overcome great obstacles and persevere. I desire to see my capabilities being exercised and be able to look back on achievements. I am committed to working hard than I have by being more consistent blogging (entering another blog before next Tuesday), Setting aside more time to read the books that help motivate me, attacking my to-do list to keep my motivation and sense of progess high (I will have my bike in the shop and my computer in the shop by next tuesday), I will come to next Mondays meeting prepared and ready to push forward and I commit to praying for our time together and motivation on our own.