Healthy

Starting this blog post has been one of the most difficult experiences of the past couple of weeks for me. I've put a lot of thought into the initiation of this composition, and yet writing it has been extremely difficult. I don't know why... I think that the thoughts that are most weary are that by setting goals I am inviting the prospect of failure into my life. Something that is difficult to deal with...

I almost feel as though life has been rather stale as of lately. Not that I have anything to complain about, but rather in a sense that I have cut a lot of feeling out of life. I think that a fear of failure or thoughts of disappointment have crippled me to the point that I am no longer willing to set marks that result in neither bliss or disappointment. Life currently has its ups and downs but the ups are fleeting and the downs seem insignificant. It feels as though something is going on that is fundamentally flawed and I am stuck in the middle of a rut that has me avoiding the extremes of the human condition.

With these posts I want to create an avenue of experiencing life from one extreme to another, in a brutally honest fashion with both myself and Phil, whom I have entrusted as a brother in life.

I havent posted my goals, because I don't think my goals are the problem. In all honestly it would take a matter of minutes to assess my goals and move on... but yet I have avoided doing so for so long because I feel hesitant to own up to the progress I've made on the things I determined to be important. I feel as though the thing I've been neglecting is not my own aspirations, but rather my own feelings. I go through life convincing myself that all is well and will be well, with no other authority to contest such thoughts.

I know that the reason for meeting with Phil was not to accomplish our goals, but rather to keep each other accountable for setting goals and striving in life to be focused on whats important.

I will not list my goals on this page, because I will speak with Phil about them tomorrow. But rather I will promise myself and Phil that before next week I will post another blog. I will write about my life in an honest fashion and address the things that together we ascribe value.

My only real goal is to buy into a life lived intentionally. That to experience the fullness of life you must pay the ante, I must put myself in a position of vulnerability, in which failure is a very real option.

By 8:00 PM next Tuesday night, I will have listed things that are important to me. Things that have potential to hurt or disperse great joy in my life.

I don't believe this blog to be a goal oriented blog. I believe it to be a life oriented blog, which is why this evening I chose to bring up the things in my life that have been hindrances to real progress. I feel confident now that I am sold out on what is happening here, and will strive to uphold the commitment to continue to contribute to this process, and hold my end in the upkeep of this record.